An Artist's Night

An Artist’s Night

Something inside me burns furiously.
Does it reside in my heart or my soul, I wonder.
If it is in my heart, they tell me,
To let it devour my heart of all hope
For, that will help me seek the ultimate truth.
If it is in my soul, they tell me,
To let it burn my soul to the ashes
For that is the price of being an artist.

At night, during the full moon,
I weep.
My cries get lost in the silence of the night
And,
My tears dry out in the heat of the night's cold breeze
Is it fear, I wonder.
Why does this fear make no sense to me?
Why does this fear hold great power over me?
Why does this fear feel so strangely known?
Why do I have sleepless nights?
Pondering over these questions,
In darkness of the night,
I weep.


Give up, my heart says.
But my soul is determined to fight.
My heart is my friend
And,
My soul is my lover
Whom do I listen to?


Hope.
Hope streams down my eyes,
Breaking the unknown shackles,
Giving my heart and soul relief,
And,
As the dawn appears,
Hope glistens in the rays of our creator,
Soothing my soul off fear,
Revealing the universal truth,
Giving me the ultimate salvation,
Hope gives up to the creator of this world,
And,
Turns an atheist into a believer.


~Rishikesh Pande (RP)

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A Farmer's Sin

*Note: Dedicated to all the farmers from India who lost their battle with life.*


Under the eyes of gods in the heaven,
Under the merciless clouds which mock me,
I, a farmer with no education & debt I can't afford to pay back,
Stand here, pleading, begging, the government…


While the government, of the people, by the people and for the people, and supposedly elected by me, do nothing for me, I stand here, with tearful & hopeless eyes, look up one last time, to find hope in disguise of the rain drops…


While my wife & children, with no education whatsoever, rob with me all day, every day,
Sleep with empty stomach, every night, I wonder
What is it that I have sinned?
What did I do to deserve this?


While the government enjoys their 'honeymoon' period, I stand here, having lost all hope, to educate my children, to give them a better life, a better tomorrow…


I stand here today, under the very tree my forefathers planted, on the land which is no longer mine, with a bleeding heart & chest filled with pride, to take my own life & end the misery, the very government I elected, subjected to me...

God bless you, my dear Government!

Update: And the moment the farmer lost his battle to life, it rained cats & dogs!

By Rishikesh Pande

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Bleeding Woman

I rob everyday at home to please my master,
I cook whenever you order,
And while you eat, I serve you at your command,
I eat alone whichever is left over like a slave,
I look after our children, even when they disrespect me,
I wet your bed whenever you wish,
I look away when you enjoy pleasures with other women,  
I get beaten up everyday for no reason,
I work all day in pain so as not to give you any reason to demean me,
I fuck, cook, take care of you even when you try to kill me,

Lord, oh my lord, what I did to deserve this?
Lord, oh my lord, answer me, for what I have sinned?

God: you were born a woman,
It is your 'man-defined duty' to do so
It's written in the 'old books'…


By Rishikesh Pande

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The Glare Of Patriarchy

I walk all alone, looking down with an expressionless face, towards my school, while suspicious stare of my creator follows me…

Suffocating in this world since 12 years, I always knew something was off about me, I was born a girl…


As I walk towards my school, a drunkard stares at my body from top to bottom while another, a family man, my father's age, deflower me with his stares,

And as I reach close to my school, a bunch of others bump into me, touch me in private areas while those who couldn't get a chance today regretted…

I reach school, still all alone in the crowd of many dressed just like me, and men, my grandfather's age, follow me with their stares until I disappear inside classrooms…

My teacher, who I admire the most, stares at my face & boobs, with lustful eyes, constantly, without any hesitation or guilt, hoping to catch a glimpse of my skin…

At the recess, boys my age pass lewd comments about me, try to pull down my skirt hoping to catch a glimpse in between my thighs…

I walk back home, still all alone, while the stare of many, again, my father's age, follow me until I reach home…

As soon as I enter, my mother asks me, "how was your day honey?"

With disgust & tears in the eyes, with a fist formed to control the anger within, and a little part of heart, which dies inside everyday, I answer, "It was a good mother, how was yours?"

By Rishikesh Pande

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Red Rose

I want you, oh my dear, I do,
As you are the most beautiful creation of our lord,

I want to see you often, oh my dear, I do,
As my poor eyes have not seen anything like you,

I want to kiss you, oh my dear, I do,
As your lips are the most delicate thing I have ever seen,

I want to smell you, oh my dear, I do,
As your smell is the most seductive in the world,

I want to touch you, oh my dear, I do,
As you are the most electrifying thing I have seen,

But what just happened?

Oh my dear, I hurt myself
Blood coming out of my fingers,
For I'm not allowed to touch you,
For I am "untouchable" for you…

By Rishikesh Pande

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Love At First Sight

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, while silence was aloud, while the wind was playing with my hair, I saw her...

She was sitting on a bench, lonely, quietly, restlessly, with eyes as red as ruby & with hands as soft as feathers…

She was beautiful, like an angel in disguise, descended from the heavens, to woo the innocent souls into her magical world…

Her voice touched my soul, her eyes hypnotized me, her movements puzzled me: am I in a dreamland or is it a reality?

It was a love at first sight!

I was lost in my thoughts, while my soul looking for answers, with a sudden movement, she looked straight at me…

With my heart beating out of my chest, with my soul on fire, in an attempt to deceive the angel, I graciously looked away…

She kept staring at me, while I pretended to look away, while her eyes saying everything she has to say, we were both frozen in an unknown space-time continuum…

With an expressionless face, with her heartbeat beating in sync with mine, she fluttered her wings and flew away…

With a heart turned to steel, with blood coming out my eyes, with my soul weighing more than the rest of me, I was left with a broken heart...

And that's when I realized something: two things will always be forbidden to me - a selfless lover and me & my love at first sight, a Pidgeon, coming together...

By Rishikesh Pande

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Loving You Was Easy

Loving you was like rain in the summer,
Loving you was like making a baby smile,
Loving you was like sunshine at night,
Loving you was like watching the sun at night,
Loving you was like forgetting myself,
Loving you was like trying to know a stranger,
Loving you was like discovering myself,
Loving you was like losing heart to an angel,
Loving you was like listening to a whisper in the crowded noise,
Loving you was like seeing the entire universe
your eyes,
Loving you was like dying for your smile,
Loving you was like falling in love with you everytime I see you,

Oh, angel, Loving you was so easy

By Rishikesh Pande

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